I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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