Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You need Xanax blowdarts
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
