I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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