OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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