She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
