Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm like, not good at living.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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