if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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