my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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