Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
