ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I won the penis lottery.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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