Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
