you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
