That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
