just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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