i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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