Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
