You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
