you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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