so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
