So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
