We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
