we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
