i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
