Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
