yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
