New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
