So drunk, too bad you don't want this
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
