Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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