ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
