you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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