just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You ruined the universe
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
