I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
