Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
