I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
