kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
