1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
