I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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