Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
