I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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