Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
