He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
