the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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