nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
