I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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