What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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