I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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