Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
