i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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