yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
