I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
