I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
