How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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