So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
